


Zhurrick Fanfiction Fail

by yesile



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, F/M, Not Serious, Spinny chairs, shock humor, what a twist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-26
Updated: 2014-08-26
Packaged: 2019-03-27 17:03:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13885227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yesile/pseuds/yesile
Summary: I cannot write serious romances. If you want an actual love story, turn back. CONTAINS SHOCK HUMOR AT END.





	Zhurrick Fanfiction Fail

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in 2014, so it's even more poorly written than my current stuff (which is still pretty bad). I edited it slightly for today, but not by much.

Varrick was sitting at his office desk, brooding in silence. Elisebeth was attempting to write Zhurrick fanfiction and he knew she would fail. Hard. And he was not looking forward to it.

He shrugged and let out a sigh, trying to come to peace with it. 

“No publicity is bad publicity, right? So shouldn’t fanfiction be the same way?” He tried to see the silver lining in this guaranteed-to-fail endeavor. It wasn’t very effective.

“Too bad ‘endeavors’ in real life aren’t as powerful as the _Pokemon_ attack…” He muttered to himself, spinning around in his chair to try to put his mind at ease as he awaited the inevitable. It was like waiting in purgatory, knowing from the start that one was bound for Hell. Not pleasant in the slightest. 

Suddenly, Varrick realized something amazing. 

“Spinny chairs…ARE REALLY FUN! WHEEEE!” He spun around a few more times before suddenly halting, realizing this had nothing to do with Zhurrick fanfiction. He got up from his chair and walked briskly to the door, all the while cursing Elisebeth for lollygagging for so long.

 _“We're already on paragraph five and you still haven't made anything important happen!_ If you're just going to make me spin in a chair all day, then I'm _leaving!_ ” He threw open the door, hoping it would allow him to exit this travesty of a tale for good. Too bad it didn't.

Standing at the now-opened door was Zhu Li, wearing a slightly more shocked expression than normal.

Varrick’s eyes narrowed as he looked down at his assistant. 

“Zhu Li, I thought I told you to wear a happy expression when you see me, not a shocked one!” He yelled as he pointed his finger accusingly at her, eyes glistening with anger. …Or was it love?

…Okay, I’m not going to leave you hanging: it was anger.

“Sorry sir.” She apologized, as she tried to quickly change her expression to a happy one, IN FRONT OF VARRICK, NO LESS. WHOA NELLY. WE’RE GETTING PRETTY INTENSE HERE WITH THIS EXPRESSION CHANGING SCENE, BUT DON’T WORRY, I WON’T BE TOO DESCRIPT SO WE CAN KEEP THIS PG.

As Zhu Li was changing into her new expression, Varrick realized just how beautiful she really was. Because I seriously don’t know how I’m supposed to write this fanfiction and that seems like a cliché thing to write for this moment.

“Excuse me sir, but why are you staring at me like that?” Zhu Li paused, mid-change, wearing a half-happy, half-shocked expression on her face. It looked really awkward.

Varrick frowned at Zhu Li’s creepy expression and started to change his mind about what he said earlier.

As Varrick was changing his mind, Zhu Li look up at him and realized just how handsome he really was. But she quickly suppressed her thoughts and snapped back to reality once her employer started speaking.

“You know what, Zhu Li? You don’t have to smile like that. Just be yourself. You see, we’re going to be lovers in this trainwreck of a story, and being yourself is what matters most in love. Probably. Or at least that’s what the readers would like to hear. It’s a good moral and all, ain't it?”

“That is correct, sir.” Zhu Li responded, adjusting her glasses as she changed her expression back to her normal stoic one.

As Zhu Li was changing her expression, Varrick—

“OKAY, ENOUGH WITH THE STUPID “CHANGING” PUNS! It wasn't funny the first time, and it wasn't funny the _third_ time!” Varrick scolded the author. Sheesh! He knew this fanfiction was going to bad, but he didn’t expect it to be this horrible!

And technically, the author didn’t know it would be this bad either. No one can fully plan for the horrors of an Elisebeth-attempted fanfiction until it happens.

Varrick turned to Zhu Li—her expression fully changed—and roughly grabbed onto her shoulders, pushing her against the wall.

Zhu Li’s appearance remained unaffected as he did this. 

“Is this where a sex scene happens?” She asked quizzically. 

“WHAT?! Of _course_ not! I'm just a nervous wreck and I need to tell you that we have to get out of this story, pronto!" He yelled back, now fully aware of the terrors of Elisebeth’s writing style.

“Is that because there would be a sex scene if we don’t leave?”

“Zhu li, look: Elisebeth can't even write simple, normal scenes that most writers would have no problems with. _How do you expect her to write a sex scene?!”_

“Badly.”

“…That’s not the point.”

“Then what _is_ the point?”

“The point is—“

Suddenly, Varrick felt a sharp pain in his abdomen. He quickly jumped back from Zhu Li and instinctively grabbed his side. Man, am I bad at using decent adverbs to describe things.

“Look, Varrick!” Zhu Li stated, slowly holding a knife up. “The ‘point’ is this weapon I’ve been concealing!”

Zhu Li paused for a moment, letting what she just said sink in. “I made a funny!”

“Hahah…hah. That you did…Zhu Li.” Varrick choked out, as he fell to the ground, a pool of blood forming around him.

“On the bright side, you won’t be alive for a sex scene in this story.” Zhu Li started wiping the blood off of her knife with her sleeve. She stopped for a second and looked down at him.” The bad news, is you’re going to be dead now.”

“Well, Hell is better than being in one of Elisebeth’s fanfictions…” Varrick stated weakly, as the last breath of life escaped him.

But Zhu Li was a necrophiliac, so they had sex anyway.


End file.
